I was going to write a post about 2010, because lord knows I love a good list-based summary, but basically 2010 was total bullshit and I don’t want to think about it anymore. Three good things that happened: adopting Holly, meeting Chloe, seeing Jimmy Eat World. SO WHATEVER. BE GONE 2010! YOU REALLY SUCKED.


After last year, I think maybe I have learned my lesson about expecting things from allotted periods of time, because human cells and hearts and circumstance does not think like that. This year I do have some plans though. New York, obviously, and seeing Bright Eyes in New York. If you have a time machine I would advise you to go back in time and tell my 15 year old self that: I would probably vomit and / or punch myself in the face out of disbelief.  Also I am seeing Jimmy Eat World again, And Martha Wainwright, Gaslight Anthem, Millencolin and Jenny Lewis. HIGH FIVES RETARDO MUSIC TASTE!

I do have resolutions for 2011 as well. I shall tell you about these! (You were not getting away that easily without a list, lifejournal.)

1)   I am going to spend more time with my parents. Good time, not just time out of circumstances.

2)   I am going to try and not buy new clothes this year! ARGH! Secondhand clothes are fine, and I am lifting the embargo on band shirts and anything cat related, ALTHOUGH any time I buy any one of these things I am going to give something away, to a friend or charity. I am pretty disgusted at my ability to endlessly consume, hey.

3)   I am going to take a more active role in animal activism. Being unable to get out of bed for much of 2010 gave me a lot of time to get informed/reinformed on the current state of the world’s meat, fur, leather, circus and scientific industries. A bunch of this stuff made me cry, but it also made me switch political parties and realize that, sure, being vegan is fine but it is really invalid if I am sitting on the couch the rest of the time instead of actively supporting the thing I believe in the most. I never am going to be the type of person who throws red paint over fur-wearers, but I can be the kind of person who writes letters, asks questions, volunteers time an informs others.

4)   I am going to stop being a bitch and judging people before I get to know them, because OW it would hurt if I actually realized people were doing that to me and also the amount of times I am wrong about people is massive.

5)   I am going to learn something new, which sounds really stupid but my brain is shutting down! I have always wanted to learn sign language. I also want to relearn the guitar so I can serenade Sean with Kelly Clarkson covers all day.


Anyways, I’ll let you know how I go, but for the meantime, I am going to tell you about yesterday, because it was the greatest day: Sean and I woke up real late, and I went to Chloe’s house where I am looking after her cat. We played a while in the yard and then I fell asleep in the huge hammock on the porch. I borrowed one of Chloe’s summer dresses and walked home so Sean and I could go get some paper and sugar and apple cider vinegar. I wore leopard print summer slippers. We came home and I made chocolate vegan cupcakes, with pictures of Tinkerbell on top, who rules, obviously. They came out of the oven and it was pouring with rain so we got in the pool in our clothes and had sommersault competitions. Sean cleaned the kitchen while I hung out with Holly and Hercules, and then I cooked red pasta and we watched ROCK OF LOVE which ruins the whimsy of this paragraph totally, but by GOD is it an amazing show. Don’t threaten me with a good time.

I stayed up until 2am decorating our bedroom with scarves and photos and old posters and I woke up feeling pretty great. Probably the best day ever. Not even going to try beating that in ’11.

  • Current Music
    Casiotone for the painfully alone!

Look mum, I can rhyme!

Tiptoe across the carpet
while the night is thick and still,
my feet are wet with memory,
from the after party chill.
The room is blind
but I can feel the breathing of the  walls,
the carpet's Chinese whispers
swelling up and down the hall.
I click the lock, it spits, and sounds
just like your spine aligning,
the wind sticks to me: I glow,
I'm slick, I'm black and I am shining.
Like an oil spill from your front door
and underneath the moss,
I flood the lungs of tiny things,
all hiding from the frost.


Last night I watched The Social Network, which made me want to do two things: marry Aaron Sorkin, and go on Livejournal. HEY LIVEJOURNAL! Way to be marketed to me. I am now going to tell you about all of my life as it happens, just like Mark Zuckaburger did:

Oh my god, Sean is cleaning out the fridge because I have been screaming every time the fridge door gets open because something has died, come back to life, and started a hideous colony in there. He is so great, not like Erica Albright who is obviously a bitch. I am sitting on the couch wondering if I should play some more Wii bowling before getting up and making a warm tempeh salad, which makes me sound like I am really into food. I am into food, but I am not going to start a blog about it when clearly I know nothing about cooking. Matt Cowgill, you are exempt from this part of the rant as you seem to know a fair amount about cooking, and also your blog is good and you are a person who makes me laugh often. I just hate how every single person on the internet really wants to be a foodie right now. FOOD IS TRENDY ALWAYS, GUYS NOT JUST NOW WE NEED TO EAT IT TO LIVE! i might start a blog about food telling you the best msg based product to put on your ramen or like, the best ways to enjoy vegemite on toast, or the merits of cereal for dinner. Okay, so, back to sitting on the couch. My cat just walked by. HI HOLLY! It is a bit windy and we don't have any beers in the house. I hear this is important whilst real-time blogging. Sean just called me babe. EWWWWW. We are thinking of going for a beer later at that new bar (EWWW probably). I am bad at living with humans.
We went asian grocery shopping this morning where we got heaps of snacks and chilli flakes and rice instant noodles and THINGS. Asian grocery stores calm me so I am feeling quite CALM. I have blonde hair now, which is not interesting for you, but is important if you see me on the street and can't decide whether or not it is me to say hello to. We might go to Belmont soon because I want to go to op-shop row.

Yeah this real time blogging thing is not really working for me.

Other news is, I got out of hospital on  Monday, Anneke saved my life a couple of Saturdays ago and now I am eternally indebted to her, I am coming off medication which is making me CRRRAZYYYYYY. I have smashed some glasses and am crying a whole bunch but also I am REALLY HAPPY SOMETIMES. This does not make me want to ever be a drug addict. It is not Rock n Roll at all.

A thing and then some other things

Here is this tiny city:

It breathes

And it sinks when it exhales.

Its weight is

I M M E N S E .

It is heavy with you,

And it is heavy with me

And it is heavy with all of our words.

Our arguments are lurking in windows

Our make-ups draining through the grates into

Underground wells

Forming rivers

(To the sea, to the center of the earth).

Each time we shed our skins,

Each time we started over,

our past selves collected as

P A S T  C E L L S

Folding into bricks and bus stops.

It is a wonder this city does not cower in shame.

Like us.

It is a wonder the buildings don’t just curl up

Into one another

And go to sleep. 

HELLO! I LIKE WRITING AGAIN! Who knew? That poem sounds pretty sad, and I guess it is what I think about when I am in the city, but today I am wearing clogs and I am listening to Bruce Springsteen and I am quite happy.

The art exhibition that I thought was going to be a disaster turned out quite well, so there shall be no more tears about that! It has still be a sad time. My friend Scott from high school took his own life last week. Scott, with different coloured eyes and the goofiest smile and a huge heart (so big, God wouldn't let it live), who looked after me on year eleven camp when I was so so sick and made me hot chocolate on the stove every night. I spoke to him about a week before it happened, I think we were arguing about indie rock or something. His funeral is on Monday. I am still shocked, and actually go to message or facebook him to tell him everything will be okay. It is a weird feeling.

Tonight I will be going to see You am I with Seancat and my brother, which is AWESOME, because I miss him like a limb now that he has a child. I am excited and I hope Tim Rogers is at least a little bit angry. I also hope that Glenn Richards comes soon and plays, on the same note of top Aussie man.

I broke my clogs this morning. My pets are amazing. I miss Lady, and I talk to her a fair amount when I am alone.
Here is a picture of some art I did!

I named them after Deloris songs.
Goodbye! x



Hey neglectjourna! Whats going on? Sorry I have not written in you for quite a while. Lots of things have happened as well that I could tell you about! I have just been too lazy, watching documentaries, eating so much Special K that i no longer feel 'Good in my Jeans' as promised by the packaging, but I do feel good in my boyfriend's jeans, so I guess that is an okay compromise.

I have done a bunch of hospital since the last time we spoke. It was not so bad. I cried a lot but in the end I RECONNECTED WITH MY FEMALE ROLEMODELS OH YEAHHH (See below). And I also was put into a remedial art group, so I got to make some fun craft! (See below).

Seancat had to go away when I got home which was a little sad but then we got to have a romantic reunion on a street corner in Melbourne, followed but a magical date to THE REAL GRAND FINAL, which I have been talking about for like, 2 weeks, so I'll spare you other than to say it was THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. (See below.)


Then i had other Melbourne things to do! Here are the highlights, condensed for you. SLEEPING, BAGELS ON MOST DAYS, SURPRISE DINNER WITH MATT AND THE SODA, THE MUSEUM (Pharlap! The Titanic! A huge whale! Hall of taxidermy!) , IMAX, THHEEEE ZOOOOOOOOOO, LAST CHANCE KILLING IT, PONY RIDE, SUPERBAD MEOW MEOW SO MUCH. You could just SEE BELOW!

I am home now, and have had a bit of a strange week. I go back to work tonight and I am nervous. I have not really done anything social at all. I have been sleeping alot while Sean has been quite stressed. I don't want to get sad again it sucks! There is nothing to see in that department but I will try and make you more fun to read!


I would be pretty fun on the red carpet, hey.



Hello, I am not sad today! I have basically not even felt sick all day AND fought off the urge to get a spur of the moment tattoo. GOOD FOR ME!

I wonder a lot if my Mum reads this? I bet she does. HI MUM! Just so you know, I can not find your brooch and I think it might have been stolen. I take really, really good care of things that mean that much to me and could not have lost it. I lied to you last weekend about leaving it at home because I thought you might actually hit me. My psychologist told me today though that if I can tell you, while believing that it honestly was not my fault, it will be the best day of my life. I was thinking of jumping in front of some traffic instead. Please don't kill me on Saturday!

I have discovered Twitter, which kind of sucks for everyone else because I have basically an endless stream of things to tell the world and none of them are as funny as anything Ryan Adams says. Why did I start lifejournalling? I don't remember. I have had basically endless things running through my brain in the last few days as Seancat has had my computorz and thus I have not been able to spew my brain up on the internet. Here are some things in my brain right now:

1) I am eating my feelings, and I blame Christina Hendricks.
2) Oh my God, how can one person be as tired as I am CONSTANTLY.
3) I am afraid that everyone in the apartment building thinks that i am a real bad rabbit mum.
4) I am scared of getting drunk.
5) I don't know how to stop getting drunk and being that girl who messages everyone for self assurance / psycho stalking purposes.
6) I am not allowed to be left alone in my own house for more than about twenty minutes at a time and it is driving me pretty insane, so I have been staying in bed a whole bunch because no one talks to you when you pretend you are sleeping.
7) I threw up the other day after Collingwood lost. I was THAT disgusted in Dayne Beams.
8) I'd still wed him, though.
9) I have no idea how I have landed this job here that I work. It is an endless dance party but with hats, drawing, blogging and fun stories about everyone's cats.
10) I'm bored of drawing but I am not allowed to be.
11) I am thinking right now about what I will go and eat next although I am still totally full. It will probably be left over chips from the other night when Mum and I (HI MUM!) went to a preview screening of Tomorrow When the War Began, which I am pretty sure noone likes anymore. I love John Marsden. He is one of the most interesting people I have ever met and said the best thing about writing to me that anyone ever has. Anyways, if anyone else is still ten years old in their brains: THIS MOVIE IS SO GREAT I CRIED HEAPS OMG.
12) This is actually pretty bland for you all.
13) I can actually feel myself getting sadder now. I hope the episode of Undercover Boss that is on tonight (ABOUT HOOTERS) will solve this partially.



I am really sorry dudes, skip this post it is whingey.

SPOILER ALERT! (On my life)

Hey guys, everything kind of sucks right now. I am pretty unable to face work and also general life. I am wrapping 5 years worth of cords around my neck and letting it strangle some perfectly good living and life out of me and my cat is scared, hiding under the bed and won't come out for cuddles. I have SO MUCH GOOD STUFF IN MY LIFE AND I CANNOT GET OVER THE TONNE OF BRICKS HEART ACHE THAT IS IN MOST OF MY ORGANS ACTUALLY THAT MAKES EVERY SINGLE DAY A STRUGGLE.

Seriously, fuck this. On Monday night I swallowed around 60-70 pills and ended up in hospital again which was my own stupid fault. I can not get it together, life! I am so sorry for sharing this with you, but I get bad at keeping actually diaries and i guess sometimes there is no one to really talk to, not even Sean because he cannot really know about some of this, although he does, I just don't feel like he needs to have this stupid heaviness too. i killed my chilli plant as well and i am having trouble getting out of bed, standing up without falling over blah blah blah.

This post sounds basically identical the posts I made when I was about 16 except less whimsical. I think I thought total heartbreak was fun then?
Please don't judge me for it, no doubt I will get embarrassed and remove it pretty soon. I am so scared of people making fun of me for feeling this way.

I wrote a note on Monday night on word. i didn't save it, so it was not really permanent, so i guess I knew I was coming back home. It said 'The same reason as always.' I'm so sorry. You don't need to hear this. I used to get made fun of on the internet by girls I didn't know. I still see them around and think about the damage they did, but here I am on the internet leaving myself wide opening again. That was not the reason I took the pills this time or last time. But I have been thinking about it.

I think everyone knows the reason. Maybe not the full and total reason but at least the outlines of the reason. That makes me feel so ashamed. What about my Grandad? What about my brother? I don't care, this one is worth being selfish for.


LIFE (Reprise)

So I think my worst quality as a friend, client and general acquaintance is that I am very forgetful with dates. I am constantly forgetting things, getting flustered, not turning up to appointments, double booking myself for parties and end up spending most of the time just giving up and going to bed and watching gross documentaries on the internet, whilst secretly snacking under the covers. I have other unimpressive habits too, like never wearing a watch and keeping things in an order that no one but myself can understand.

The point of saying that is to say that I do not own a diary. I buy one at the start of every year and end up losing enthusiasm for it somewhere between February and March. This year I haven't actually needed a diary due to spending most of my time in hospital, or on my couch, but I am feeling like it is about time I started keeping a schedule. How boring is this paragraph for you, geez? ANYWAY I THINK WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY IS THAT THIS WEEK I WENT BACK TO WORK AND I HAD 3 DOCTORS APPOINTMENTS AND A SEWING LESSON, WHICH I FAILED TO ATTEND, AND MY ROOM IS A MESS AND I STILL NEED TO GET A BLOOD TEST AND GO TO MEDICARE AND SEE A BAND AND GO TO DINNER AND SEE AN ART EXHIBITION BEFORE FRIDAY AND I AM COMPLETELY TRIPPING BALLS.

Anyways. Apart from very rapidly going from a life that required me to sit on the couch to a life that requires me to live in the real world, things have been O.K. They have probably been a lot better than that, but I have been feeling quite low and like I don't really want to talk to anyone but my cats and rabbit and small nephew.

On Saturday, we launched the Pigeonhole Vintage store, which will be my new favourite little place to work from now on.
That is me! At the launch! With some tea! The whole thing was quite a lovely affair, as is working there with beautiful clothes and beautiful girls. My Mum baked me about one thousand cakes to serve at the launch and stayed there the whole day to help me in case of an emotional breakdown as it was my first day back at working in any capacity for six months (to the day). I love her. It turns out I had no emotional breakdown, and Johann (the greatest boss in the history of bosses) gave me the 1950's dress that I had been pining over since we started going through the stock. I WILL WEAR IT EVERYDAY FOREVER.

Maybe that is all? I feel really uninteresting right now. I went to my psych today for the first time in over a month. I have been avoiding the whole thing really, as mental health is EXPENSIVE and I'd rather, you know, eat and stuff. He basically made me cry, so congrats to him, it was a world first for my doctors. I have been feeling a bit BLAH since then as usual, but also because some piece of art that I made about the different rooms my dad has slept in got torn, and so did my favourite map of America which hung over my bed between three different houses, because Sean had started piling stuff on my desk as it was a Kate-Anna mess. I got a bit angry at him, which I hate doing and never mean to do but now I want to have a little cry again. We are sitting in bed right now and being silent and he is reading a book on animal rights because I think he feels bad. My night was not totally a loss, mind you. There was about an hour there where I ate pumpkin soup in a onesie AND a snuggie.

The rest of my time has been spent google image searching Christina Hendricks. Anyway, that is it for my really self indulgent and not at all funny post. A nice serious one for you! There you go.

Okay have a really good rest of the week, internet!